Don't You Hate It When You Wake Up With A Bloody Boob?

Hi Everyone,
Just when I start feeling normal something cancerish happens. Yes, I just made up a new word. Cancerish. So this morning I am playing with Sadie, who I now bring in to bed for her first bottle. I am done worrying all the time about every little thing and the effect on the development of my child. Like bringing her in to bed in the morning will make it a habit and then for the rest of my life Sadie will need to be in our bed in the morning whether she is four years old or seventeen. So after the bottle I prop her up on my knees and she is giggling and cooing and making that great gurgling noise where she gets a bunch of drool in her mouth and blows bubbles and is so pleased with the sound she is making. All the while she is kicking her little legs towards my chest. Just little blows--really nothing at all, I mean really, nothing, because I can't feel anything on my chest. Just a sort of inward pressure telling me she is touching me, but that's it. No nerves mean no feeling. And then I grab her little foot to give it a tickle and it's covered in blood and I FREAK out. And then I realize, it's coming from me. Little Sadie has managed to kick the scab that is my nipple pretty much clean off and there is so much blood it has seeped through my shirt and on to her feet. Now if I had nerve tissue in these breasts, I would have known serious damage was being done, but since I don't, I sat there completely oblivious. Anyway, I felt the need to document this event and share it with you all.



I spent the entire morning walking around in my bloody shirt, peeking every once in awhile at the bloody stump that was my body's feeble attempt at growing a new nipple, feeling sorry for myself and being grumpy until our neighbor Andy came over to hang out with Greg and I had to put on a good face and then I actually was feeling better. Greg and Andy are great friends. Sometimes I feel like I should move out and let them live here together because they get along so well. Here's Greg and Andy with Sadie. Aren't they cute together?



Yes, they are posing for affect. It seems they like the idea of being a 'couple' too.

Here's them just being themselves. Sadie is unfazed. Too young to get the joke thankfully.



Here's another early morning shot. I am pretty sure they are talking about Obama, Hillary and the upcoming presidential election. Or maybe Greg is asking Andy about the latest article he read online about some health issue (Andy is an acupuncturist and in to all that herbal natural stuff), or they are probably talking about sex (isn't that what guys talk about?).



I am glad Greg has Andy. It's probably not every woman that gets married, gets breast cancer and has a baby all in one year. So I can't totally beat myself up over the fact that I haven't been the best wife. I think Greg understands it most of the time. But sometimes, he gets pretty freaked out over everything that has happened and when he does, believe me, I am not the person who wants to know or hear about it. When you have something like cancer, you build a wall around yourself where you are alone with your fears, anger and sadness and you let nobody in especially someone who also has fears and anger and sadness because that would be too much to take. So much of my sanity depends on Greg being strong which is all fine for me, but not so great for Greg. So, even if Andy just comes over to see what's cooking (literally--he likes to eat) and to catch a break from his wife and three kids, he has brought a lot of tension release to the Moors-Watson household and has been a great friend to Greg when I sometimes just cannot.

Love,
Rosalie