The Bandages are Already Off

Hi All,
I have now seen the skin that used to hold my breasts. I will spare you the visual since it's not pretty. My nipples, which I am very lucky I got to keep, are the scariest. Here's why--the skin is dying. Like a scab from inside, the skin is dying and darkening. It will regenerate, and become pink again, but until then, I have nipples the color of red grapes, wait, I am trying to write pretty. Let me get this straight. The color of black olives. Ugh. Other than that, my simile of nursing twenty babies is about right on.
Next week I get 100 cc of saline pumped in to the expanders they put inside behind my pectoral muscles and my doctor says it will look like I nursed 10 babies instead and so on and so on until I say 'when' and then the expanders get swapped for the permanent silicone implants. All in all, I won't be tank top ready for two months.
Anyway, preliminary official pathology reports show no cancer like we thought. So amazing! Still waiting on the reports from the nodes, but I have to think I am on a roll here. Speaking of waiting. I can tell you already I am going to start complaining very soon about driving to SF for these doctor visits, being away from Sadie, only to wait, and wait and wait all while wearing a cotton gown perched on an exam table. Thank God for Greg today because he had me laughing doing his 'doctor' routine (he's got this voice and mannerism thing he does--you have to be there) so hard I had to tell him to stop because of the pain. I mean I just had a double mastectomy! Though really, I have no right to complain considering there are other people, in other exam rooms, alone, possibly hearing that their cancer is inoperable or that their tumor isn't shrinking from chemo. I am so lucky and I know it.
Other than that, no news to report. The baby is doing great. I've got to commit to more tummy time. My friend Sasha was over today and had her on her belly and she lifted her little head like a champ, looking around and being such a baby. Sasha is great. She's got three kids of her own, but arrives with a ton of energy. Her and Connie, friend of the family, held down the fort with the baby while I was in the city getting my boobs checked out. They totally reorganized my porch and it looks great, and clean and summer ready. The garden is starting to bloom and I can't help but see the metaphor in that as I watch my chest slowly blossom as well.
Love,
Rosalie


Laura removing my bandages. I am not grimacing in pain, but because it feels really weird to have your skin touched and not feel the sensation. My breasts are numb. Sorry if this photo is too much information.


My breast reconstruction team: Laura Esserman--the breast cancer surgeon, Mary (Laura's assistant) and Dr. Foster, the plastic surgeon and me.


Me, in recovery mode, still able to feed Sadie thanks to the Boppy.


The garden front, from the porch.


The garden from the back, with Greg watering.