Which means my surgery has been delayed. The administrative assistant who delivered the news gave the excuse that there was a 'big case' and they overbooked the surgical rooms, or some such nonsense. She called me the morning of my pre-op appointments as I was rushing out the door to get to the city on time (to wait in the waiting room for an hour) and it really rubbed me the wrong way. I was all set. The day was Tuesday. Greg had work off that day and the two following days. Friends and family had signed up to help me out the following weeks afterwards because I will be left without the use of my arms for two weeks. And now, it's all changed to Friday of that week and Greg has to work on the weekends and all in all it just sucks to have things switched around when you get a mindset going on what's going down and when. I still went to my pre-op appointments. I met with the anesthesiologist nurse and the surgical nurse who went over the minutest of details concerning the surgery and the recovery. The surgical nurse came to our appointment with props. I got to see the implants, both saline and silicone, and I got to feel them. I saw the expanders and the bulbs that will attach to tubes from my wounds to catch the blood and serum (which I have to pour out twice a day and measure and record on a chart she gave me). She had a disc of photos showing real pictures of woman who had the procedure. They weren't horrible. There will be a scar. A sort of frown under my nipple (which thankfully I get to keep). She was kind of an ex-hippie type. She wore birkenstocks with socks. She gave me two little funny shaped pillows just the right size for tucking under arms to ease soreness. I had to choose between the Laura Ashley rosebud print or the Cost Plus looking African print. I just wanted to say thanks but no thanks, but didn't want seem ungrateful. She wanted to know if I knew any visualization techniques or practiced any kind of meditation. This produced a blank stare. But then she talked to me about doing what she called 'Art for Recovery' with my breasts. Getting them casted, making a paper maiche mold, photos, that kind of thing. Now that my surgery has been delayed--I just might. We don't go through life thinking we are going to lose a part of the body we are born with. Whether it's our arms, our legs, or our breasts. I am whole now, and no matter how beautiful my new boobies look, they aren't me. Me was cut out and sent to some pathology lab and then tossed in to a red infectious waste container. I'll wake up, flat chested, for the first time in 22 years, with hard plastic round discs under my muscle that will get filled up over the next few weeks with saline until they are the 'right' size (photos above are of this procedure). And what's the right size? I'm supposed to 'eyeball' it. The surgery nurse said I'll just know when it's right. I can't even make a decision about what color to paint my living room walls. How am I supposed to decide on the size of my breasts? Should I get them the ample size they are now, or cheat mother nature and go a bit smaller? But would if mother nature also decides to pack on some pounds to my frame (I know, that's actually my decision) and everything starts to grow, except my breasts. I'll have this big old butt and a flat chest. Ugh. Now I am spinning. Which means I need to go to bed and get some sleep because tomorrow is one of 7 more days with my breasts and I intend to enjoy it.
Love,
Rosalie
3 comments:
How dare they reschedule you? They messed up, you're the VIP patient, aren't you? Didn't you let this Admin. assistant know that you have a very cute baby waiting for you to get your procedure done so you can hold her again? Priorities!
Seriously though, that's a lot to go through (as if this whole experience hasn't been),this surgery is so much for me to even take in as a reader! You write about it with a lot of panache though, and I'm rooting for you, and hoping for a quick, smooth recovery, so that Sadie will be back in your arms again. It is no doubt going to be a big trip, real inflating breasts! And hey, the cool thing about implants is that both boobs will be the same size, none of that "it's natural, one is bigger than the other" baloney! Oh, and if I see any hot tube tops, I'll grab one for ya!
p.s. enjoy the O.G.Boobies for the next threezzay dizzays, Rosie, Greg and Sadie!
They probably rescheduled because they might be too hungover on Tuesday from Cinco de Mayo margaritas. So consider this a good thing. You might have a frown underneath your nipple but at least still-drunken doctors won't be drawing two eyes above the nipple (which would be the nose).
when i took a trip to south india years ago, i traveled alone and felt totally freaked out for the first few days-
terrified of being abducted or caught in a monsoon or poisoned by shower water, unable to leave my room
or initiate any activity...
i felt trapped & lost- full of dread that i had 3 weeks more to endure.
by the end of the 3 weeks, i was changed- engaged and at ease.
somehow a new perspective had emerged- unimaginable in my opening state of shock.
maybe the loss of part of your original parts will be like a trip to india.
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