How my Garden Grows

Hi All,
First of all, THANK YOU for all the great comments. I don't know why we feel the need to ask for permission to cry or be sad, but I suppose my last post was a way of asking and everyone said, 'Go ahead', and then I immediately felt better.
My mood was also helped by some great friends of mine, Lauren and Sarah--past roommates and now forever friends. The other day I was crying with Lauren, complaining about how all I wanted to do was go outside and garden. I've mentioned my garden before. The deal is, Greg and I fell in love with our house because it has all this land. After we moved in, our favorite thing to do every morning was make tea and go outside in our bathrobes and 'walk the land', because literally, you could walk it. So the irony though is that we aren't gardeners whatsoever. I had no idea what the difference between an annual and perennial plant was before we bought this house or why you needed to prune anything at all. The task of this land is overwhelming and frankly, for the most part, Greg and I aren't up for it. We want to be. We aspire to be. But it's work and it takes time. Time we don't have. Except now, now I have the time and I am stricken immobile by a double mastectomy hence the reason why I was whining and sobbing the other day. Actually, the day before my surgery, I realized I wasn't going to be able to do any planting for awhile and I went out and bought a few flowery shrubs and stayed out till dusk like some sort of gardening fiend putting things in the earth so I could watch something grow while I healed. But even that barely showed a change. The potential of all this land overwhelmed me and I felt like I was letting the season go. So Lauren and Sarah offered to get some more plants and do some gardening for me. How great are these woman?!





So now my garden is sprouting some color and new fresh blooms. Speaking of sprouting, I have some more new growth to report.



It's mainly just fuzz right now and it feels really weird, like baby hair. In fact, Sadie still has more than me. My eyebrows are coming in too. They look like a shadow above my eyes. Someone asked me the other day if I was wearing makeup, which is pretty funny (just is), but seriously, compared to my bland hairless face before, this new growth makes me look like I am.

And finally, to finish this whole growing and sprouting theme, I had my first expander appointment on Wednesday. Finally. I was really looking forward to this appointment, so much so, I wore an outfit for the first time in weeks (it's been yoga pants and tank tops for quite some time).



You can see my 'bulb' still attached by my hip. This is probably why I was wearing yoga pants and tank tops--drainage bulbs aren't to conducive to style. The doctor also removed it. They sucked, literally.

Anyway, I was really looking forward to this appointment because it was an unknown. I had no idea what to expect in terms of pain or discomfort. I am happy to report the actual procedure is not that bad. First they put some local anesthetic in my skin. Then the plastic surgeon finds my port (hole into the expander) with a magnet. Then with a syringe and a long needle (yes I looked, fairly scary), he slowly injects saline in to the expanders under my skin. I'll do this roughly three or four more times before my breasts are the size I want them to be, which again, is so weird. That I am choosing my size! Today, I went shopping with my friend, Amber, and we shared a room at Anthropologie with a blessed sleeping Sadie (even through all the dressing room door slamming) and she told me the size I am now (I would guess a small B?) is in her words, 'like a normal person', because before this surgery, I was a double D (!). So, I suppose one good thing is that cancer has allowed me to experience some things I would never experience before: Short hair and small breasts. I must be feeling better to be looking on the bright side again.
Love,
Rosalie