Big Day Out

Yesterday was a big day for me. I didn't know it until today when I payed dearly by being totally exhausted, so tired I nodded off a few times while feeding Sadie only to awake with a jolt to find formula dribbling down her neck. Oh well. She won't remember it.

I went to my work and visited with all my work people, who really are like a family to me which makes sense considering I was used to seeing them more than my own family--I mean 8 hours a day, 5 days a week really adds up. Add the fact that I have been at my current place of employment since January of 1998 (Oh yes, that's a decade) and you can imagine how weird it is to NOT be there everyday. 

It was great to show off Sadie who was a total angel and slept the entire time only to make a few peeps that were turned off with a bottle. Today was a different story. It was as if she knew she needed to be good yesterday but was making up for it today. That, or she is just getting older, bigger and more alert and isn't OK with her sleeping and eating routine and needs a little more action. I don't blame her. I needed a little more action, hence the outing yesterday. 

When I first arrived, I had this dumb pastel pink sun hat on--and this sun hat had like dictated the whole outfit I wore--hence the pink summery skirt. I think I mentioned I haven't yet figured out how to hide the bald head so I have to work with what I have. Well, I walked in and felt so stupid in that hat, as if I am trying to hide the fact that I am bald and have cancer? So, off it went and I felt better after that. I guess there is a part of me that doesn't want to make people uncomfortable. And a part of me that doesn't want any excess sympathy.  

I ended up staying a full five hours visiting with people. Partly because it felt so great to be around other faces and also because it was so sunny out in Central Marin. It's a bummer out here in West Marin during the winter because the sun falls behind the mountain and we are in the shade starting around 2 PM--when the rest of Marin is all sunny and warm.

I had this one funny moment when Sadie slightly started to fuss right when I had a big group of people around us cooing and complimenting. And right then I thought this is so funny because it's me who needs to pick her up and calm her down, but really, I just met her a month ago so my guess as to what's wrong with her and what to do was as good as anyone else's....motherhood is a funny thing. It is instantaneous and even though there are 'classes' nothing can really prepare you for it. 

It was weird to be at such a familiar place as a mom with breast cancer and therefore different than when I was last there. Yet everything seemed to be just the same. It was actually reassuring. I can go through this, I can have my left completely changed, yet I can also count on some things staying the same. There's comfort in that.

Love,

Rosalie