Ah Sleep

I can't believe I would ever use the word delicious to describe sleep, but that is how it feels, when I get it, which isn't often--or a least consistent. Today I got a few hours thanks to my aunt Robin who is visiting from LA. She has two kids and says she had them sleeping 10 hours a night by the time they were Sadie's age. So, today at my house we practiced some new techniques on Sadie. One of them is to not sleep with her in my arms which is what I usually do. This means that during her daytime naps I am confined to the couch watching bad daytime TV and at night I am precariously perched at the edge of the bed in a self induced light sleep always aware I have an infant snuggled in my arms making little snorting cooing noises.
Today we put her in her crib to sleep and I had to listen to her cry for at least a half an hour. I have never let her cry that long. Thankfully Robin was here to distract me and lo and behold, the baby fell asleep! And then guess what? I did too. I crawled into bed and conked out. That's not all--we are on a roll here. I am determined to get a routine down so I took Sadie on a walk in the cool drizzly air (totally bundled up of course) with Frida and when we got back, I gave her a warm sponge bath, a warm bottle, bundled her in this crazy zipper sleeper contraption and popped a pacifier in her mouth. Yes, she fussed. But guess what? It's been exactly one hour and 3 minutes and we haven't heard a peep out of her. I am determined to make this a nightly routine. Walk, bath, bottle, bed. The funny thing is, I miss her. I just went on our iphoto folder to look at pictures of her because I miss her face.
This lack of sleep has really been bad. It means I am cranky and on edge. Everything bugs me. It's like perpetual PMS. Greg left an almost full can of formula (we use the prepared kind that's milk based and can go bad. It's sort of expensive) out on the counter and couldn't remember for how long (because he is exhausted) and I swear I felt it was grounds for divorce. Also, everyone tells me that the body heals during sleep. So here I am, undergoing chemotherapy treatments that knock me out and I am not getting the sleep I need to heal. This knowledge only makes me more stressed, more cranky and on edge. But today, I realized I am being my own worst enemy by letting this baby sleep in my arms all the time and in our bed. When she is cuddled up next to me at night she smells me, knows I am there and so of course wakes up every two hours for a bottle. Why wouldn't she--I have trained her to!
So, I am going to bed now armed with my my new book Good Night Sleep Tight by the Sleep Lady my Aunt Karen bought me. It apparently has even more tips and solutions to my sleep deprived problems. I'll be back to my old self soon. Speaking old self. That's her above. Just me, all my hair and my dog. Sleeping. Sweet long hours of endless yummy delicious sleep.
Love,
Rosalie