Last Chemo!

Hi Everyone
Today was my last chemo. The day started off like any other chemo day. My friend Sarah Bott shows up at 9 AM to take care of Sadie with latte in hand, a big smile and a ton of love for Frida. I mean she gets on the floor to let my dog kiss her and paw her all over. Then when she commented on how fat she was getting I let it out that Frida's latest obsession is Sadie's dirty diapers. I could see her face fall right as Frida gave her a big smooch. Oh well. Then Greg and I rushed out the door, braved the morning traffic and I was in the lab getting my blood drawn at 10 AM on the dot. Then I raced up to the Breast Cancer Center where I signed in and took a seat. Like clockwork. And it made me think how far I have come from the timid pregnant lady all confused about where to go and what to do watching all the expert cancer patients with their hats and wigs and scarves breezing through the rooms and casually sitting in chemo chairs chatting with friends as if it was the most normal thing in the world to be bald, sick and have chemicals pouring in to their veins. I never thought I would become familiar with the Ida Friend Infusion Center. Never thought I could wheel my IV station down the halls to the bathroom without being self conscious of my sickness even while surrounded by other sick people just like me. I never thought I would walk up to the little tea and snack station and pull out a bunch of graham crackers and pineapple juice as if it was my own kitchen. But, I did and now it's all over right when I was getting used to it. Not that I am sorry about it--no not at all.
Before I got hooked up, I met with Hope and got some more clarity on why I got that second drug, Carboplatin, added. It wasn't that today may have NOT been my last day before surgery, it just may not be my last CHEMO. Meaning, she really wanted to do all she could to get rid of this tumor before surgery because during surgery, if they find a lot of left over disease in my breast tissue or a lot of nodes involved, I will have to get more chemo after surgery. That would suck. I want my hair back and I am sick of being tired and having dead nails and feeling achey.
Also, I am ready to move on to the next chapter of this saga--the surgery part. I get the month of April to recover from Chemo and then it's all about the new boobs.
I got a visit from my friend Janine who is a nurse at the Breast Cancer Center. She showed up with Mardi Gras beads and a real feeling of celebration for it being my last day. Janine and I lived on The Farm together in Tennessee. She was one of the older kids, so was closer with Hannah, but we reconnected at College of Marin when we took pre-nursing Chemistry together. Yes, I was going to be a nurse. But the white shoes scared me--well that and all the sickness and death. And so, I opted out and sometimes, when I see Janine I wonder what would have happened to me if I had stuck with it. Nurses are amazing. I still think about the ladies at CPMC who are the only people who kept Sadie's birth a human experience instead of the science experiment it threatened to become. Speaking of nurses, Pauline, my regular chemo nurse, wasn't there today and I so wanted to give her a big hug and say goodbye. Maybe I will send her a letter and a picture of Sadie. She keeps all the pictures of the babies that were born after having chemo. She pulled them out for me to prove to me that it was OK to have chemo pregnant. But sometimes, especially because Sadie is such a sleepy little baby, I worry. I am sure in a few weeks, once she hits three months I will laugh that I ever was worried that she was sleepy and wish I had enjoyed it more.
Greg had to leave me at chemo because he had to work, so my friend Sara drove in to the city, picked me up and then we went to Hannah's salon where Nina was getting her hair done. It was funny to be in a hair salon with no hair. I wanted to make some kind of joke with the receptionist, like booking a cut or a color with no hat on to see what they would say. This is something my grandmother (mom's mom) would have done in a second when she was bald going through chemotherapy because she was had such a funny sense of humor--but I didn't. We hung out for awhile and then headed over to a great sushi restaurant with my (FIRST) cousin Whitney. I was tired, but wanted to mark the occasion. Going home to leftover Trader Joe's cheese raviolis just wouldn't really put the spin on the day that I needed. Also, my neighbor Linda had offered to relieve Sara and Amber of Sadie duties after she got home from work and stay at our house and put her to bed--so I couldn't let that offer go without taking advantage--even though all I thought about was Sadie the whole time.
Anyway, I have to cut this long ramble short because I realized it's 11:22 and Sadie has been down for 3 hours which means if I get in the bed RIGHT NOW, I may get around 2 hours before she is up screaming for a bottle and a cuddle. Also, Greg is snoring on the couch and missing George Clooney on the Daily Show and I have to go wake him up before it's over.
Love,
Rosalie
Pics Above
1. About to get 'hooked up' for hopefully the last time. That's Diane with me... a perfectly fine substitute for Pauline just without the great Irish accent.
2. Me and Janine
3. The girls at Hannah's Salon. Doesn't Nina's hair look GREAT!?
4. My friend Amber Horen--she met me in downtown San Anselmo on Monday. I just like this picture of her and Sadie.
5. Just a cute picture of me and the little mama sticking her tongue out. She is so over getting her picture taken, you can tell.
6. Amara and sweet Sadie.