Two down, Three to Go

Hi All,
Had my second expander appointment. Was basically the same as last time, except my plastic surgeon showed more of a personality (he's sort of shy). Greg got him going by asking lots of questions about liposuction and facelifts. Not quite sure my husband was actually asking because he is genuinely interested for himself...I didn't think our age difference has affected him that much. Either way, it was nice to see the doctor smile for once. Here's Greg goofing off with the silicone implants.



The nurse brought it in to show me the difference between the expander contraption I currently have under my skin and the actual implant. Because I have been so uncomfortable with the expander, it made me wonder how the implant was going to be any better. I mean a foreign non-human object under my skin, no matter what it's made of can't feel that great, right? But as you can see, in shape and material, they are quite different so it's understandable that the silicone bag might just be a bit softer.



You can't tell from that photo, but the expander is made of really tough and slightly rough plastic material whereas the silicone implant is very malleable and if you close your eyes and feel it, you get how under skin, they feel like breasts. You can also see the port on the expander where they insert the needle to fill it up with saline. The nurse (Janet is her name by the way) also reminded me that I am just a month out of surgery and nothing placed under my skin would be that comfortable no matter how soft, pliable and squishy it was.
After they blew up my boobs (really, how else can I explain the procedure?), I got a visit from Laura, my breast surgeon, and learned, unfortunately, that I will not be able to truly play God with my body as previously thought. My plan was to go a bit smaller with the breasts. Give my shoulders a break, maybe start jogging without strapping them down with a thick layer of super spandex (just kidding, I will not be jogging), but because my breasts were so big to begin with, I have a 'large skin envelope'. This is their terminology. I would much rather they call my deflated breasts something else. And unless I want to have the Sharpei puppy look on my breasts, I sort of have to replace what was taken. In fact, my breasts were so big, I almost wasn't a candidate for the skin sparing surgery. This is because post-mastectomy, if my skin envelope (ugh) had been any bigger, the leftover blood supply wouldn't have been enough to nourish my skin and there was risk it would die. So gross. Really. My body is a science experiment.
After my appointments, and what seemed like hours, we finally left and I ran in to Pauline, my chemo nurse, in the hallway. I originally wrote about her here. She missed my very last chemo because she was in Europe visiting family and I was so upset. As you can imagine, you sort of bond with these people instantly. Life and death stuff really pulls people together. I feel like she is family.



Speaking of family, I had another awesome visit from cousin Judy today, and this time she brought her niece Anne, which means Anne is also a cousin, but please don't ask me to figure out exactly what kind. Actually while they were here today, I tried to get some clarity on how we are all related and sketched out a rudimentary family tree to try and keep track. For some reason, it's been a bit of an obsession of mine. Family. Maybe it's because I had a baby and I want her to know where she came from, who her people are, or maybe it's because I have been asked to look at my own mortality and all of a sudden family just seems really, really important. Anne lives in Greece and married a man older than her too, so we had lots to talk about (and Greg, when you read this, don't ask me what we talked about....because I'll just answer 'you, know, stuff').
Here's Judy and Anne with the baby, who by the way, was so perfect today. Not one little fussy moment at all.



Except, the girl will not pose for the camera. We really tried to get her smile captured, because it's so beautiful, but all we got was this.



and this..



..and she was smiling, she loves Judy, but for some reason, every time that camera flashed, it disappeared.
Oh well. In lieu of an all out smiling photo, here's one I took of her yesterday sitting in Greg's lap with a rose from our garden as big as her head and the exact same color as her shirt. She's got sort of a Mona Lisa smile going.



Love,
Rosalie