So there is a good chance that Sadie will be my only child. What am I saying?! It isn't a 'chance' it's a reality. Just hard to really accept. Chemo will kick me in to early menopause and so there goes the idea of giving her a brother or sister. Side note to this which I think is really funny but rarely gets me any laughs is that Greg is 53 and I am 34. When we met almost 12 years ago people thought it was really weird and probably wouldn't last. Heck, even I thought it was weird and believe me we have gone through a lot to make it last. So the funny part is that now 12 years later even though I am 34, my cancer is kicking my butt up to be 'biologically' a 50 year old woman going through menopause. So, it's all even in the end. Funny? Ok, I guess not. Ironic? Maybe.
So anyway, the one bright spot is that my little sister Nina had a baby girl, Amara Jay, four months before I delivered Sadie Wren (bird middle names are purposeful--I'll explain some other time) and there is no doubt in my mind that they will grow up close, like sisters, and share their lives together and probably fight like sisters and love each other like sisters. At least I know Nina and I will do everything in our power to make this happen because with all we have gone through Hannah, Nina and I are so much more aware of the power of family and siblings and sisterhood (and not just biological--I have a whole group of friends I consider sisters too!). Today my friend Sara told me that she saw Nina crossing the street in San Rafael pushing Amara and she rolled down her window to shout out hello and Nina's response was, 'you are such a good friend'. I know why she said this. We are all aware that without my friend sisters and my real sisters there is no WAY I would be able to go through what I am going through. My friend Traci Terrick said that with all this support she was reminded of the way I would talk about the Farm where I was born. I did always sense from my mom when she would talk about it that it was the best situation for woman. Raising their kids together, relying on each other and supporting each other. With all the amazing people that are helping me out, I do feel that communal feeling. I just feel enveloped in it and I am really really grateful.
Love,
Rosalie
4 comments:
We are very lucky to have such a close-knit group of friend/sisters, but you have a lot of friends in addition to us. I was thinking, there are so many people that are chipping in that I don't know and that didn't know your mom. They never saw or felt her idea of communal living. It must be something people are picking up from you or your mom's ideal is your reality. I don't think it's everyone's reality. It's a beautiful thing. Xo, Am
I like your term friend/sisters. Makes me feel like an extra on Big Love, like a Mormon Fundamentalist without the high-neck dresses and bloomers or having to share my husband.
We don't see each other often these days, but I can't tell you how much it meant to me that you and the rest of the sister/friends all were at my wedding. It felt so warm.
Since you were the first Student I ever met, I remain your student always. How lucky I am that you are so wise.
I love the picture of the four of you together. Absolutely beautiful.
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