Running out of Time...

Hi Everyone
Sadie has a cold. She's a mess. Snotty, watery eyes, breathing like Darth Vadar cold. It's freaking me out. I know I have years of this to deal with, but I suppose the first is always the worst. She got this cold at daycare. It's all true. You put multiple children together and it equals sickness.

No, I did not go back to work, but YES I did find daycare and am taking the advice given to me by many moms, and started her before I go back to work so that the transition of stay at home mom to working mom is easy. Well, not easy, it can't be easy no matter what you do, but easier and therefore less stressful and jarring and scary and sad and heart ripping terrible blah blah. I found a great woman, Annie, who started an in home daycare because she didn't want to leave her own toddler, Cailyn, with anyone else. Smart, if you like that kind of thing. It's called Cailyn's house--and it's literally Cailyn's house. Not a daycare center or preschool type place, but a real home that just so happens to have some babies in it. I like that. Maybe when Sadie's older we will want something more structured with activities to keep a little toddler mind occupied, but for now, this is perfect and I never thought I would find it. Phew!

Greg or I drop her off three days a week. Sometimes we drop her off in the morning, before the nap, but mostly we can't stand to part with her and we drop her off after her nap and after we feed her lunch, so she's really only there for a few hours. The first time I did it I expected to feel awful. But I didn't. From the moment she was born, I have been leaving her. The day after I got home from the hospital from giving birth, I had a chemo appointment in the city that lasted six hours. For the first six months of her life I have been leaving her with people at least once a week and sometimes for days while I had operations or was in the hospital. So I didn't have that initial freak out of walking away from her because I have been parted from her many times which was good (this is one of those weird, gee it's good I got cancer and had a baby at the same time moments of which I have many if you can believe it).

However, I do feel guilty. Guilty that she's with Annie while I wander around Marin trying to keep myself busy. I know it's the right thing to do, getting her accustomed to Annie before I go back to work. And it's funny how I can't wait sometimes to drop her off so I can get stuff done, and then as soon as I do, I miss her. Everywhere I go I see moms with their babies and I get those pangs. I make up for it by buying her something wherever I go. Not good on the wallet, and not a good sign as to what kind of mom I will be. Making up for guilt by buying things! She'll love it I am sure.

Anyway, here's Sadie with Greg about to be taken to daycare for her first day. My mom took pictures of me, Hannah and Nina before the first day of school our whole lives. I thought I would start it early.



Here's Annie and Sadie hanging out.



And here they are with Cailyn, Annie's daughter, who is the sweetest little munchkin. I take off my shoes when I get there, you know, because babies are crawling about, and she puts them on right away and shuffles around saying shooz, shooz, shooz, mama shooz. She does it with baby wipes too. Pulling them out of the container and wandering around saying, wipe, wipe, wipe, mama, wipe. Oh the joy I am in for!



Anyway, finding daycare (and beating cancer, and getting new boobs) means I have nothing else to cross off my list. I am going back to work. The official date is October 22nd. A Wednesday because everyone told me to start with a short week.
I feel pressure to do so much before I go back because life is going to get so much harder, but I don't know what. Time is running out, and fast. Maybe you all could help. What are the things you wish you had done while on maternity leave before you went back to work?

Love,
Rosalie